It’s my birthday! (soon)

My birthday is in June. I was obviously hoping to spend it with Ellie but that is not going to happen now. Some friends have been organising a memorial for Ellie that is going to fall on the weekend I probably otherwise would have had my birthday party instead. Shit sucks. I will still be going out with some friends to celebrate the weekend before that and on that day itself I will be surrounded by friends and loved ones too. And fuck it if anyone else wants to get me a present I have a Throne wishlist here. I sat down to write this and I thought I’d have more to say but words are failing me a bit. The life I thought was happening has just been so abruptly cut off and I feel a bit stranded. I was going to go to see the Doctor Who finale in the cinema with her last night and I still went with other friends and it was lovely but me and Ellie had so many plans big and small and it’s probably going to be a while before I can think about the future at all without feeling her absence.